Tears stream down your face and you can barely breathe.

Your thoughts wander down memory  lane  in middle of  conversations.

A wave of irritability catches you and those around you off guard. 

Grieving during the holidays  can feel overwhelming.

In the past you’ve experienced the holiday season as a time of joy and being all together, but this year is different. Whether it’s the loss of a spouse, a parent, or another close loved one, the festive atmosphere can magnify feelings of loneliness and sadness. Remember, it’s ok to feel your emotions deeply during this time. You don’t have to navigate these feelings alone; seeking support can help you find moments of comfort and connection amidst the pain.

Grieving for Her Husband

Grieving for His Dad

Grieving for His Dad

Brad’s father died last year. He was the heart of their holiday cheer, always making everyone laugh, cooking the traditional turkey, and he was usually up before the kids on Christmas morning. Now, as Brad tries to fill his father’s shoes, he feels an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and sorrow. The empty chair at the dinner table and the absence of his dad’s hearty laugh make the season feel incomplete.

Brad’s father died last year. His dad was the heart of their holiday celebrations, always making everyone laugh, cooking the traditional turkey, and was usually up before the kids on Christmas morning. Now, as Brad tries to fill his father’s shoes, he feels an overwhelming sense of inadequacy and sorrow. The empty chair at the dinner table and the absence of his dad’s hearty laugh make the season feel incomplete.

Compassion for Yourself

There’s No Rush to Finish Grieving

There’s No Rush to Finish Grieving

Grief has no timeline. Dr. Wolfelt reminds us that mourning is a process, not a task to be completed. The pressure to move on or return to “normal” can be intense, especially during the holidays. But healing doesn’t follow a set schedule. Give yourself grace and understand that it’s normal to have good days and hard days. Be patient as holidays may bring a resurgence of grief and it takes time to navigate these emotions.

Grief has no timeline. Dr. Wolfelt reminds us that mourning is a process, not a task to be completed. The pressure to move on or return to “normal” can be intense, especially during the holidays. But healing doesn’t follow a set schedule. Give yourself grace and understand that having times when it all feels overwhelming is to be expected. Be patient as holidays may bring a resurgence of grief and it takes time to navigate these emotions. 

So, create space for moments of solitude if needed, and remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to skip certain traditions if they feel too painful this year.

Equally important is to call upon your friends and family when you need people to remind you that you are not alone.

How Friends & Family Can Help

Understanding what grieving people really want during the holidays is important.

Here are some ways that friends and family can support their loved one who is grieving:

• Be Present: Sometimes, just being there without trying to fix anything is the best support you can offer. If the grieving person isn’t  returning your texts or calls, be patient and available when they are ready to connect.
• Listen: Allow your friend to share memories and feelings about their loved one. Be a source of understanding and empathy. Don’t be afraid to say the name of the person who passed away and ask if there something you can do in remembrance of their loved one. It may mean a lot to them that their loved one will not be forgotten. 
• Say  Their Name:   It means a lot to the grieving person that their loved one won’t be forgotten.  Is there something you can do in remembrance of the person who passed away?
• Invite, But Don’t Pressure: Extend invitations to holiday events, but let the grieving person know that it’s ok if they’re not ready to participate and be gracious if they change their mind at the last minute. They may be trying to get through the next moment without falling apart.
• Offer Practical Help: Assisting with holiday preparations or daily chores can be a big relief, and don’t be surprised if they’re irritable or somber while you do it. Extend the grace that you would want to receive. 

When to Get Help for Your Mental Health

Grief can be overwhelming, and it’s important to recognize when professional mental health help might be needed. If you find that grief is significantly impacting your ability to  work, keep up with school,  interfere with your relationships it’s an indication that going to therapy could help. Or if you’re struggling with intense feelings of sadness, loss of interest in things, or hopelessness, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.

As a licensed psychologist with over 25 years of experience, I offer individual therapy and couples therapy to those who are grieving. I understand that a marriage is vulnerable during times of grief, and this is a great time for some couples therapy to strengthen your relationship and navigate this challenging period together. Christian-based support is available upon request.

Remember, you are not alone in your grief. Reach out for support when you need it, and take one step at a time as you navigate this holiday season.

3. Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation with me for individual therapy or couples therapy. You can reach me by emailing kristin@thebreakthroughcounselor.com or by calling 860-333-8773. I’m here for you during the holidays and the rest of the year too.